Academy Awards Live Coverage

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One of my favorite aspects of the modern Oscar broadcast is bloggers, giving live-update coverage. So, since I am now a legitimate journalist and blogger (hah!), I am going to be updating throughout the night with commentary and my opinions on the results of the awards. This will start when the awards start, because red carpet stuff is lame.

Although I have to say,it was pretty cool to see Javier Bardem sitting right next to Jack Nicholson in the front row right before the broadcast started. That would be the seat to have. I imaging Jack’ll be making dirty jokes throughout the entire show.

 

-John Stewart’s opening monologue isn’t that bad, which is remarkable for an Oscar ceremony. That cut about Norbit was pretty funny (“Too often the Academy ignores movies that aren’t good”), and his Diablo Cody joke was great (“She went from being an exotic dancer to an Oscar-nominated screenwriter! I hope you’re enjoying the paycut”).

Also, I had never seen Diablo Cody before. She’s a stone-cold fox.

 

-Jennifer Garner, presenting the Costume Design award (I know, it’s an exciting one), was so obviously reading off cue cards that it’s not even funny. However, it’s nice to know that she can read.

“Elizabeth: The Golden Age” won costume design. For most of the awards, I’ll be including the movie I think should’ve won, but for this one, I just can’t force myself to care enough.

 

-You know, with how much everybody frets about how the television ratings plummet annually, you’d think somebody would eventually say, “Gee, maybe we should do away with these dirt-dull montage packages!” But apparently not. Maybe next year.

-The skit with Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway is awful. Please, please stop.

“Ratatoulle” wins for best animated feature, and I think I would have to agree, only because I haven’t seen “Persepolis” yet.

“Le Vie En Rose” wins for makeup, after a trainwreck of a presentation by Katherine Heigl. Again, haven’t seen the movie, but I LOVE the winning makeup artist’s hair. More people should wear greying puffy mullets. Personally, I was pulling for Norbit…what?

Man, the writers must have been writing desperately fast to get the introductions done, because most of them are absolutely horrible. If the writers want their extra compensation, they should do better than this.

And if Amy Adams is not the biggest stars in the world in coming years, there is absolutely no justice in the world. She’s the biggest star…in my heart.

 

-I can’t help but love Dwayne Johnson, but it’s a darn shame he’s dropped “The Rock” from his name. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson just had such a cool sound to it.

“The Golden Compass” won for special effects. I probably would have given it to “Transformers,” because it really sold me on giant robots stabbing eachother.

“Sweeney Todd,” won for art direction, which is okay, I guess. It was beautiful, but the whole “Tim Burton doing gloomy, gothy movies in which Johnny Depp has weird hair” thing is getting old.

Javier Bardem won best supporting actor for his role in “No Country for Old Men,” and thank goodness. His performance was amazing and chilling, although Tom Wilkinson was a very close second in “Michael Clayton.” Wilkinson overshadowed everybody else in that movie, and when you’re performing alongside Clooney, that’s saying something.

But man, was Bardem’s speech touching. What he said to his mother in Spanish, all I caught was the first two phrases “This is for you, this is for my grandparents…” and then I lost it. Curse that two years of high school Spanish.

 

-Is it bad that I sat through the commercial, and then they start performing the song from “August Rush,” which is up for the Best Song award, and only then do I think “Okay, now’s a good time for a bathroom break”?

 

-Man, Owen Wilson’s delivery while presenting the short film award is even more wooden than his acting. I didn’t think it possible.

Aaaand some French short I’ve never heard of wins Best Short Film

-Oh no, are they having a skit with the bee from “Bee Movie?” Reeeeeally? This is just lame.

“Peter and the Wolf” won for best Animated short. It looks pretty cool, although I always feel bad when I only hear of a film that sounds interesting after it wins an Oscar.

-Again, just do away with the darned montages. It would cut an hour out of the broadcast, and lord knows it could use it.

Best Supporting actress went to Tilda Swinton for “Michael Clayton”, and she looked as shocked as I was. I would have TOTALLY given it to Cate Blanchett for “I’m Not There.”

And Swinton made a reference to Clooney’s “Batman and Robin” batsuit. That just happened.

 

-“No Country For Old Men,” won for best adapted screenplay, and I could not agree more. They stayed absolutely true to the book, without making it awkward and bookish. It absolutely felt like a movie, but it was absolutely faithful to the brilliant source material.

Again, darn these montages, but this one is informative into the nomination and voting process of the Academy. And it revealed that Michael Bay is a voting member of the Academy, which absolutely takes all my faith out of the Academy.

-I’m not afraid to admit it, I absolutely loved Enchanted. The song-and-dance numbers were all wonderfully done, Amy Adams is a goddess, and the story was adorable. The fact that it’s got two songs nominated for Best Song is a testament to that, I think. I hope one of them wins. I’d probably vote for “That’s How You Know,” but I’m not a voting member of the Academy. YET.

 

-“Bourne Ultimatum” won for Sound Editing. Even as the film geek that I am, I can’t manage to make myself excited over what film had the best sound editing. I mean, yeah, it’s very important to a movie, but it’s not something you can really get excited over in an awards setting.

“Bourne Ultimatum” won Sound Mixing, too. I guess if you want to watch a movie and REALLY appreciate the sound, “Bourne Ultimatum” is the movie for you? Is that really something you can, like, brag about or something?

 

-Best Actress: C’MOOOOOON ELLEN PAGE! Fingers crossed!!!

French girl whose name I can’t spell won. She was in “Le Vie En Rose.” I’ll guarantee that, if Ellen didn’t win, that “Juno” is going to get completely shut out and not win any awards.

 

– That whole bit of playing Wii on the giant onstage projection screen was cute. That’s what I’d do if I had a gigantic projector, no lie.

-Colin Farrell has gorgeous hair. Great actor, too. He needs to do a film that really shows his skills, because he hasn’t really yet. All I can say to his benefit, really, is “Well, he was great in ‘Daredevil’!”

-I never did see “Once.” I’m sure I will eventually. This song is good, but I’m sure it would work better in the context of the movie. I’m still rooting for “That’s How You Know.”

Am I losing man-cred for having an opinion on the best song from a movie? Somebody let me know if I am.

 

-Oh Jack Nicholson. He exudes cool from his every pore. I could be entertained just by watching him read an instructional manual from a laser disc player.

-The Best Movie montage is always great as a checklist of which movies I still need to see, but again with the long montages. Jeez.

-“Bourne Ultimatum” wins Best Editing. I still haven’t seen this movie, and I’m kind of embarrassed about that, because I loved the first two. It’s sweeping up in the technical categories, so there’s always that.

-Robert Boyle is getting an Honorary Achievement award for his entire career as a art director, which is cool. Art direction seems like such a difficult element of filmmaking, and his 49-year career is sprinkled with amazing movies. I mean, please. He should get a lifetime achievement award for North By Northwest alone. That was a really touching speech, and I’m super-glad they didn’t play out over him. The man’s 98, he clearly had some things to say.

 

-So the entire country of Austria was awarded with an Oscar for Best Foreign-Language Film, “The Counterfeiters.” I never realized that they gave it to the country of origin. Couldn’t you just give it to the producer, like with the Best Film award? That would make more sense to me.

-WHOA! THREE songs from “Enchanted” were nominated? I hate that they just didn’t tell you all the nominees at once. It’s harder to get facts mixed up that way.

And Travolta comes onstage the only way Travolta can; dancing. Travolta-man, Travolta-man, does whatever a Travolta can. He’s probably my favorite Scientologist.

-“Falling Slowly” from “Once” takes the Best Song Oscar. I guess I’ll have to watch the movie and see how it’s used, because I didn’t think it was anything that special. The guy that accepted the award, the star of the movie and one of the performers of the song, looks like he would be great to drink with. And that’s even by Irish standards.

 

 

-“There Will Be Blood” won Best Cinematography. I haven’t seen it but it looks amazing. I was rooting for “No Country,” because a) It was an amazing film, and it was shot beautifully, and b) It was the only nominee I had seen.

 

-“3:10 to Yuma” had the best score of the year. I don’t care what the Academy says. “Atonement” doesn’t even look that good.

-Tom Hanks looks old as dirt. It’s cool that they have soldiers in Baghdad presenting the nominees for Short-Subject Documentary. “Freeheld” won, and I’ve just noticed that I don’t think that I have EVER watched a short-subject documentary. Well, it’s going to be on Cinemax later this year. Way to self-promote in an acceptance speech, Lady Who Made Freeheld.

– “Taxi to the Dark Side” won for best Documentary Feature. I haven’t seen any of those, but I’m glad “Sicko” didn’t win. Not because I disagree with what Michael Moore was saying or even his politics, but he’s just self-serving and annoying. Eat less candy and shut up.

 

-Harrison Ford: “Movies are made of ideas…and pictures…and words…” in the original draft, that went on with “and sounds…and pretty people, and film…and cameras…I’m sleepy.”

– Diablo Cody wins Best Screenplay for “Juno.” And yeah, the movie was great, and the script was stunningly original and biting and clever, but Ms. Cody, could you not get a more tasteful dress to come to the freaking OSCARS? You’re not in a Chicago strip club anymore. You’ve gotta pay a little more to dress ya’self.

And I have to redact what I said earlier, Juno won something. Aren’t I a loser.

 

– Helen Mirren scares the bejeezus out of me. I’m not going to lie. And I thought Harrison Ford was longwinded with the arbitrary listing, but that’s just ridiculous.

-Daniel Day-Lewis won Best Actor for “There Will be Blood,” which from what I’ve seen is very deserving. I haven’t seen the movie yet, because the movie theaters around here miss so many movies. I was pulling for him or Tommy Lee Jones. Jones is too big for just an award, though. That man should be given run of his own country.

 

-Best Director is up now. Let’s see if the old adage of “If you win Director, you’ll win Film too” holds up.

Oh man, Scorsese is presenting Director. You know, genius must be positively correlated to eyebrow size, because Marty Scorsese is brilliant, and he has got some serious caterpillars going on.

-The Coen Brothers win Best Director(s) for “No Country For Old Men,” and I am thrilled. I loved that movie so much. And they deserve that award, for how brilliantly that movie turned out. We can call this their retribution for that turd that was “The Ladykillers.”

 

-And the old adage holds true, as “No Country for Old Men” wins Best Film as well. Hopefully anybody who hasn’t seen this will see it now. I don’t know if it’s still at Celebration or not, you can never tell with that theater. But I can’t say enough, SEE THAT MOVIE. I think the DVD comes out in a few weeks.

 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the 80th Presentation of the Academy Awards. It was a lot of fun to simulblog this, and it might be something I do again. Although probably not as animated, I’d like to think that this will end up being more coherent than Harry Knowles’ simulblog. Although, like his, nobody’s going to bother reading all this crap.

 

–Brad Canze, the CM Life Movie Dude

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2 Responses to “Academy Awards Live Coverage”

  1. Ms. Robot Says:

    Have to admit, I read it all just because nobody else probably will. And the music was probably the only good thing about Atonement, thought it should have won.

  2. Ms. Robot Says:

    Ok, so Atonement did win. That’s what I get for staying up when I’m sick and trying to study.

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