Archive for March, 2008

Wrestlemania

March 31, 2008

Note: I’ve been watching wrestling since I was three. I’ve been trying to find an excuse to use my power as News Editor at CM Life to make people read what I think about it. Here goes.

JBL vs. Finlay: We were late and I missed this match. I’m going to borrow the tape and watch it, but JBL won, which is alright I guess because both guys are pretty cool. I hope they stretch this feud out and keep Hornswoggle out of the picture. These two big old guys can fight.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Every year part of me wants to say this is the match of the night and part of me wants to say it’s the worst match of the night. You don’t get any storyline, no one sells leg, back, or shoulder injuries, and half the moves don’t look like they’re supposed to. Frankly, at some points I was too worried about the wrestlers to care much about what was going on in the ring. CM Punk took a standing Green Bay Plunge onto a ladder that made a cracking sound that made me cringe. Shelton Benjamin also took a sick bump, flipping over the top rope and landing on a wooden ladder that cracked in half. Every year, we get a lot from Money in the Bank in a short period of time (under 20 minutes) and every year come the end I think “couldn’t you have been more climactic than that?” This year, the end came when Jericho somehow (it was never explained how) got his leg caught in the ladder while him and CM Punk were climbing one end each, leaving Jericho hanging upside down and letting Punk grab the briefcase. I love CM Punk and I hope he takes the Money in the Bank opportunity and moves to Raw or Smackdown, he has quite frankly done all he can on ECW. I think he’d be a great fit on Smackdown, with its younger viewership where his straight edge lifestyle could serve as a kind of role model for kids. At least showing them that not everyone who abstains from drugs and alcohol is a total square.  ***

Batista vs Umaga: Maybe I went into this match with unrealistic expectations, but while I was excited about the process of these two quick, powerful big men fighting each other in what was sure to be a brutal match, it ended up being mostly forgettable. Umaga dominated the match, but Batista came out of nowhere and hit a Batista Bomb. I’m using the term loosely, because Batista actually fell over while he was delivering it. You wonder why the guy gets injured so much, it’s because of stupid botches like this one. He finished the move and it still looked cool, but a little sloppy. The worst part is you could visibly see not only during the match but in the replay when Batista fell over doing the move, he started laughing. I like Batista, I saw him outside of Wrestlemania 23, I was like three feet away from him and told him good luck on his match with Undertaker and he said “thank you” but have some professionalism, man. Of course, if I botched the finish at the biggest event of the year, I’d probably laugh too. * 1/2*

Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero This match was pointless. Kane chokeslammed Chavo and the fans cheered, but that’s about it. This is to wrestling what Robot Chicken is to television. You get a laugh, but nothing of substance. No one really benefits and Chavo Guerrero looks like a weak champion, which makes the guy he beat for the title (CM Punk) look even more weak, etc. etc. Chavo’s entire reign has been a joke and a disgrace to his wrestling ability and his family name. He’s only won two matches clean, both against talented guys who WWE has chosen to bring to jobber status. My friend Katie loves Kane, but he’s boring in the ring. I swear if they have Kane vs Big Daddy V for the ECW world title I’m going to write a whole other blog just complaining about that alone. 1/4*

Ric Flair vs Shawn Michaels Sure the result of this match was a foregone conclusion (naturally Flair is going to lose and retire at Wrestlemania), but for a half hour, my sense of reality was suspended and I thought maybe, just maybe, Flair could pull it off. That’s what wrestling’s all about. Michaels botched two different moonsaults and hit his knee twice, once going through the Raw announce table knee first. I’m not sure how much of it was planned, but you can’t fake either of those falls. Flair worked over Michaels’ legs for a while and cinched in the figure 4 with Michaels breaking it twice. Michaels was playing the tortured man the entire match, he wanted to win, but didn’t want to make Flair retire, kind of like when he didn’t want to accept the match a month ago. At one point he purposely hesitated during Sweet Chin Music allowing Flair to hook in the figure 4 instead. Michaels hit not one but two sweet chin musics out of nowhere that actually hit Flair in the chin like the name implies. Flair kicked out of the first, and the two fought for a bit, but once Michaels hit the sweet chin music out of nowhere a second time, he started warming up for one more. As Flair was coming to his feet, you saw tears well up in Shawn’s eyes as he said “I’m sorry, I love you” before hitting it and getting the pin. Immediately afterwards he embraced Flair, kissing him before leaving uneventfully to allow Flair the grand exit. Flair is in tears. Michaels is in tears. Flair’s family is in tears. A real class act. The match should have been about ten minutes longer. Also note that these guys chopped each other harder than I’ve ever heard chops during the match. ****1/2*

Ashley and Maria vs. Beth Phoenix and Melina A match between four beautiful ladies (fine, three beautiful ladies and Ashley) usually wouldn’t bother me, but this match was just BAD. In Tina Fey 30 Rock style, I’ll start with a genuine compliment. Maria looked great. Her makeup, no matter how impractical for a wrestling match, made the gorgeous Maria look even hotter. Ashley looks horrible, of course, and Melina and Beth Phoenix actually look worse than their usual beautiful selves. The match itself had three high points. 1) Santino Marella comes to ringside with Melina and Beth Phoenix wearing a feather boa 2) The lights inexplicably go out for like 30 seconds and the clueless girls keep wrestling. Backup lights come on. 3) After the match, Maria got herself a sensual seduction (not to be confused with the ever-popular lifeline cover) by making out with Snoop Dogg. Seriously, Beth Phoenix and Melina are better wrestlers than some of the guys in WWE, why waste their time with Ashley, who will always be horrible, and Maria who’s still growing in the ring. 1/2*

John Cena vs. HHH vs. Randy Orton Fine, we get it, every year John Cena is going to have an entrance to honor the city wrestlemania is in. In Chicago, he did an Al Capone thing. In Detroit, he pretended to drive a stunt car. At the Orange Bowl, he had a marching band play his theme music out. It was actually pretty cool. Cena and HHH dominated the match and I was wondering which of the WWE’s golden boys they’d give the strap to, I was very pleasantly surprised when Orton walked away with the belt after a sweet finish. HHH hit Cena with the pedigree and covered him 1, 2, then Orton kicked HHH in the head and covered Cena for 3. Randy Orton is now the second bad guy to ever walk out of Wrestlemania as world champion. Good for him. The match worked to everyone’s strengths and was fast-paced and looked great. The ending made Orton look like a sneaky, conniving bad guy and made HHH’s pedigree look strong, as it kept Cena down for 5 seconds (at least). My guess is Orton loses it next month to HHH. Oh well, it was good to see him walk out as champ one more time. ***1/2*

The Big Show vs Floyd Mayweather The one thing WWE has been doing right with this feud is that from day one when Mayweather jumped into the ring and broke Big Show’s nose in real life while the commentators said nothing, this whole thing looked REAL. There wasn’t a good or bad guy, the lines between fact and reality were so effectively blurred that something in the back of my mind half expected this fight to be legit. While I’m sure it wasn’t, for the first 15 minutes it looked it. Floyd would punch and run away, punch and run. Both men played to their strengths, Floyd running and using his quickness and powerful punches while The Big Show kept trying to overpower Floyd, though he couldn’t catch him. Floyd hit a few good shots and looked in a sleeper while riding Show piggyback that actually made The Big Show’s face turn red. In keeping the match looking real, Floyd literally didn’t pull any punches and you could see red welts on Big Show’s body every time Floyd hit him. Big Show finally caught up to Floyd, stomping on his hand and standing on Mayweather while his posse tried to convince the refs he wasn’t allowed to, though it was no disqualification. Big Show took out a few members of Floyd’s posse and Floyd tried to run away, only for Show to catch up with him and drag him back to the ring. Floyd resorted to kicks, selling his injured hands from Big Show stomping on them. Finally, one of Floyd’s posse hit Big Show with a chair as he went to chokeslam Floyd. Though the move didn’t affect Big Show, it distracted him long enough for Floyd to grab the chair and hit Show with it like five times. Once show was on his knees, we had a replay of No Way Out. Floyd hit Big Show in the face and when he didn’t go down, he took the glove off his hand, took the brass knuckles off the necklace of his fallen posse member and popped Big Show a good one that knocked him down for ten, giving Floyd Mayweather the one. Good luck convincing the IBA to add that win to your record. 3*** (not bad considering Show has been out of the ring for over a year and it was Floyd’s first (and probably only) wrestling match.

Edge vs Undertaker I usually hate Edge, but I think he really proved he was a main event wrestler tonight, as much as I hate him. This match was great and full of storytelling. Instead of the usual Taker dominated match with Edge somehow escaping that I thought I would see, we had Edge dominating, reversing every one of Taker’s moves and hitting more than a few more. Edge reversed The Last Ride, The Tombstone, Old School, and The Chokeslam. The end came when Edge hit Undertaker with a video camera, Taker sat straight up and then got Edge to tap out to this triangle choke-like submission move. ****

Film: Stop Loss

March 29, 2008

From CM Life:

“Stop Loss” is an unexpected film to be produced by MTV Films.  Rather than fluffy escapist entertainment, the movie is a dead-serious meditation on real-world issues concerning the current war in Iraq.

Ryan Phillippe stars as Brandon King, a decorated Army staff sergeant who lead his troops through two tours in the Middle East.

After coming back from a tour of Iraq that included a particularly traumatic firefight that left several of King’s men dead and another horribly disfigured, King and his best friend Steve Shriver (Channing Tatum) are to be honorably discharged from service.

On the supposed day of discharge, King is informed that he has been “stop lossed,” and will be shipped back out to Iraq in several weeks’ time. Feeling he has already fulfilled his contractual obligation to the Army, only to find that nobody cares about giving him the life he feels he earns.

Desperate to have his life for his own, King goes AWOL and travels the country with his best friend Steve’s fiancée Michelle (Abbie Cornish). They go from Texas to New York, trying to find some way to keep King from being shipped out on the unjust stop loss.

Along the way they visit the family of one of King’s fallen comrades, and another former soldier in a veteran’s hospital.

Throughout their journey, King sees that the lives of the people who have served in this war are torn apart irreparably, no matter the course of action they try to take, and that he won’t get his “normal” life no matter what course of action he takes.

What the movie does very well is present the terrors of war. There are certainly arguments made against the policies of the Army and government in this current Iraq conflict, but for the most part, the film is about war in general.

Soldiers are killed, maimed, or traumatized, families are torn apart, and loved ones are left behind, all for reasons that ultimately seem trivial. The film is a downer, but makes its points very well, and effectively instills the intended feelings within the audience.

As far as “Stop Loss” as a film goes, it’s a little bit of a mess. In the first half of the film, it jumps between traditionally-shot scenes and documentary-style handicam shots, without any real explanation for it.

The meat of the film, King and Michelle traversing the country searching for an answer, is a mess. They seem to just be muddling along without any real direction or goal, although one was clearly stated.

They visit Army buddies without any reason or explanation, and characters show up and leave more on the basis of being needed for a dialogue than any sort of logical or thematic reason.

There are many shots of the two principal characters driving down a highway, but never any indication of location or timeframe.

There will be a scene with the characters in one location, and the next scene they are in another location in another state, with no explanation between the two.

The subject matter is also somewhat misrepresented. The issue of a stop loss, as the film itself informs the audience, is one that 80 thousand soldiers have dealt with since 2001. With no specific explanation why of all those soldiers that were called back to Iraq, this one specific soldier is any different, or what is driving him as a character to stay at home.

It feels like it happens just because it is supposed to.

Despite its effective manipulation of emotions and hard-hitting representation, “Stop Loss” is ultimately an oversimplification of actual events, skewed to fit the filmmakers’ needs.

Anybody wanting to see a movie solely for entertainment value should stay away at all costs. Those who want to see a discussion of the issues surrounding the Iraq conflict may find this worthwhile, but the same arguments are handled more thoroughly and maturely in other movies and documentaries.

2 stars out of 5

Other recent reviews:

Drillbit Taylor: Fun but predictable, 2.5 stars out of five

Doomsday: Sloppy, gratuitous and pointless.  1 star out of five

Vantage Point: Supremely silly and illogical.  Well-executed dumb fun.  3 stars out of five

Definitely, Maybe: Surprising enough to myself, I leaned towards “Definitely.”  4 stars out of five.

I appreciate your feedback.  Tell me what you like, what you don’t like, what you’d like to see more of in my movie posts, or just let me know that you’re out there.  Comment below, e-mail me, or find me on Facebook.

“Call me, beep me if you wanna reach me,”

Brad Canze, the CM Life Movie Dude

Film: No Country for Old Men on DVD

March 28, 2008

Academy Award winner for 2008 Best Film “No Country for Old Men” has been out on DVD for a few weeks now, and since its DVD release I have watched it three times, in addition to my theatrical viewing earlier in this year.

[Tangent from main point of post] At the beginning of the semester, I declared “Grindhouse” the best film of 2007, because I was only qualifying films that I had seen in 2007. A few weeks later, I retracted that and said “Juno” was the best film of 2007. Then I saw “No Country,” and I was inspired to make sure to hatch my chickens before counting them.

As far as 2007’s best goes, I’ve flip-flopped more than John Kerry wearing sandals. This year, I intend to see every major movie before making such a decision. But I wasn’t a film columnist last year, so that’s my excuse. [/Tangent]

Best film of ’07 or not, “No Country” is going to be is going to be one of those films that must be in any serious film jock’s DVD collection, or his film-nerd friends will ridicule him.

The disc for the movie is pretty bare-bones. The visual transfer is pretty quality. It looks just as good as it did in theaters, although I never remembered it being quite so dark.

The audio transfer is also clean, which is vital to this film. The audio was quite sparse and utilitarian, meaning that it is a very quiet movie, but every sound and line of dialogue is of the utmost importance.

The DVD houses only three supplemental features. There are three behind the scenes featurettes, one about the general making-of, one with the cast and crew talking about working under directors Joel and Ethan Coen, and the last one focusing on Tommy Lee Jones’s experience filming the movie. Although there is certainly some interesting insights in the featurettes, the content in the three of them can begin to get redundant. It feels like they’re holding out on the public for a “SUPER SPECIAL EIGHT DISC HOLY FREAKING CRAP BUY THIS MOVIE AGAIN EDITION” in a few years’ time

.But bottom line, did I buy this film? Yes.

Did I love it? With all my heart.

Will I buy an eight disc holy crap edition? In a heartbeat.

This film is really that good, and really is worth it. I would recommend buying it, but purchase or not, everybody owes it to themselves to see this movie.

UPDATE: Whoa, somehow my formatting got ALL messed up.  Fixed.

Sex Toys and Lennox

March 27, 2008
By Mike Ellis, Columnist and Caitlin M. Foyt, Lifeline Editor

On Wednesday, CM Life ran an article about sex toys.

But readers posted several messages saying that dildos shouldn’t have been on even an inside cover since the college newspaper reaches the community (We love it when locals tell us CM Life is so much better than the local paper, we know it too!).

 

We are not some tireless defender of CM Life writers; I (Ellis) try to call them out whenever possible. We believe in standing up for CM Life, and that means high standards in how the reporting is carried out.

 

College students publish this paper, and while we certainly appreciate the community support we feel we earn, we write for a college audience. That means sometimes there will be articles that are not appropriate for very young children or easily upset adults. We offend college students on a regular basis – it’s not that we try, they just get offended.

 

Another point to remember is to look at the section heading. The sex toy article may have been on the front page, but it was the front page of the second section under the heading “Lifeline.” That’s our term for human interest, different editors and generally different writers than our news sections.

 

Sex is a part of college culture. College-aged women more than ever are acknowledging the taboo subject by throwing sex toy parties. It’s a phenomenon that has swelled in popularity over the last several years. The popularity from the adult retailers market has even caused major chains like CVS and Wal Mart to sell their own brands of ‘personal massagers.’

 

But, what’s more is that these vibrating pieces of plastic and silicone are really expensive and people pay full price for them. And there is a sex shop located in town that shows no signs of going out of business.

 

Ellen Taylor, a former CMU student, was CM Life’s Sex Columnist for one semester. Every week, Taylor’s open sex talks stirred controversy. She wrote about doing it and doing it often and received harsh criticism from her readers. There were always countless web comments on her columns. Hate mail poured in. There were a rash of invites to join anti- Ellen Facebook groups. People seem to have no problem talking about it, but reading about it is a different story.

 

It’s unknown how many people actually read the sex toy articles in the paper, but several hundred visited the Web link and hundreds more e-mailed it somewhere else.

 

CM Life gets much criticism, some of it deserved, for coverage of local gadfly Dennis Lennox. But Lennox stories are inevitably the most popular on our Web site. Why?

 

We don’t know. Even the article detailing how the CMU Promise would not be offered anymore was the third most-visited link on our site. You guessed it – two Lennox articles were more popular. So it’s not like CM Life is deciding to not cover local or any other issues, we respond to what our readers want to read and they apparently prefer Lennox and sex toys.

 

The University of Michigan’s student paper, The Michigan Daily has run four or five sex toy articles in the last two years, (and a story on how to get away with committing sexual acts in the University’s library) and it’s the most popular site on College Publisher.

Michigan State’s State News has run several as well, but mostly about sex toy parties. Western’s Herald only had one story, written in September but since it had been commented on very recently it was viewable without even a search.

 

The Western article was hilarious! It was about old folks doing the nasty, pointing out that they had little sex ed, no risk of pregnancy and additionally, lots of free time. Two 93-year-olds were charged a week ago for soliciting. Yeah, they were trying to buy an undercover officer’s err… services.

 


The person who commented on the Western article (six months after it was published)? They were offended by the language the opinion writer used, saying seniors had a “void” to fill. Sounds like the research, and the opinion writer, was bolstered by recent events.

After all, they’ve been doing it for longer than we have. Go screw each other, old people!

Lifeline section — again

March 26, 2008

Another lifeline section, another controversy.
What else is new?
Wednesday’s lifeline section depicted several sex toys on the cover with an accompanying story about the products. There also was a story about a CMU alumna, Susan Colvin, and her rise to prominence in the exotic novelties industries.
Of course, several people have been criticizing the taste of the article. It’s “yellow journalism” one reader says.
Again, as I said with the Pope Benedict illustration, GROW UP! Sure it’s racy. Sure it’s unconventional.
But we are all college students (which makes up the vast majority of our readers). Don’t you think we can look at this stuff intelligently — maybe learn a little?
For instance, by reading the article you will find that the industry is growing, Colvin said. No longer is the stereotype about sex toys of men buying them about women. Women, Colvin says in the story, are becoming more comfortable buying them.
Doesn’t this say something about society? It shows that more people are becoming comfortable with their sexuality.
At the root of the Colvin article is a good old American success story. A minority broke into the field dominated by the majority and proved she could be successful. Nevermind that it is an “unacceptable” industry — she proved she could do it and it is a great human interest story.
So act like you’ve been there before. Looking at a dildo really isn’t that bad. It won’t hurt you.
Look past that stuff, and read into the story. You, as I was, can be enlightened.

David Harris
Editor in Chief

In case you missed it …

March 26, 2008

The wrestling team finished seventh at the 2008 NCAA Championships.

But those who couldn’t make the trip or watch the coverage are in luck, at least a little.

Videos of matches involving Brandon and Christian Sinnott and Wynn Michalak are available at Youtube.

Enjoy.

– Robbie Sgro

Film: This is my wing, and you’re under it.

March 22, 2008

A very talented, clever film reviewer over at CM-Life.com put in his two cents about the new Owen Wilson comedy “Drillbit Taylor” yesterday. As your attorney, I advise you to check it out.

Brad Canze, the Obviously Humble CM Life Movie Dude

Film: More Tropic Thunder

March 18, 2008

I really feel like a tool when I blog here and undermine what was written in the print copy of CM Life, but I want to clear something up.  In the Monday issue of the paper, there was a refer on the left of the front page to my last blog entry, suggesting that Robert Downey Jr. ACTUALLY underwent plastic surgery for his part in the upcoming Ben Stiller comedy “Tropic Thunder.”  I mean, with as many chemicals and needles as Downey has inserted into himself in his life, it wouldn’t so that shocking, but it’s just make-up.  His CHARACTER in the film undergoes surgery to play a black man in the movie-within-the-movie that the characters are filming.  Robert Downey Jr. was actually just wearing some very convincing prosthetics and make-up, and potentially the same wig that Sam Jackson wore in Pulp Fiction.

On that note, the first theatrical trailer for the movie has been released, and I STILL find myself excited for a Ben Stiller movie for the first time since middle school.  This doesn’t look to be so much a spoof of war films like “Rambo” and “Platoon” as it is a send-up of their  conventions a cliches, like Edgar Wright did with “Shawn of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz” for zombie films and buddy-cop movies, respectively.  If they do this right, it will hold a measure of goofiness, but remain an intelligent, eye-winking, character-heavy deconstruction like Wright’s movies.

But with no more ado, here’s the trailer link.

Tropic Thunder at Yahoo! Movies

A few other pieces of news courtesy of Ain’t It Cool News:

–Producer Joel Silver has said in an interview that following their work on “Speed Racer,” he and The Wachowski Brothers will produce a “full on martial arts” revenge movie, called “Ninja Assassin.”  Collin Chou, who played Seraph  in the latter two “Matrix” films will star, along with Korean recording star Rain, who has a part in “Speed Racer.”  There will be two other principle stars of the film, who have yet to be announced.  The whole fad of Hollywood-produced martial arts films that was spurred by “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” and the Wachowski’s “Matrix” has cooled off in recent years, so it would be cool to see some straight-up, Shaw Brothers-style Kung Fu insanity.

It’d also be nice, because I have a feeling that Jet Li and Jackie Chan’s “Forbidden Kingdom,” is going to be more of a Disneyfied “Gee-whiz, isn’t this fun?” movie than a great martial arts movie.  It is, for all intents and purposes, an adaptation of “The Journey West,” an ages-old Chinese folktale which has been the basis for innumerable Asian movies and cartoons, maybe most notably the three anime series of the “Dragonball” franchise and the upcoming live-action movie.  As much as I’ve longed to see Chan and Li work together, it’s not under these conditions.

–On a far more somber note, Anthony Minghella, the director of “The English Patient,” “Cold Mountain,” and “The Talented Mr. Ripley,” died today at the age of 54.  Cause of death has not yet been announced, and he is survived by his wife and two children, Max and Hannah Minghella.

This is a tragic loss of a talented filmmaker.  He was in the process of filming a section for “New York, I Love You,” the American companion to “Paris, Je t’aime.”  Thoughts and prayers are with his family.

–I will probably be posting a review of “Horton Hears a Who” later on today or tomorrow.  The abridged version would be “It’s good.”  Here are the links to a few of my more recent reviews of CM-Life.com:

 Doomsday: 1 star out of 5

Vantage Point: 3 stars out of 5

Definitely, Maybe: 4 stars out of 5

 Over Her Dead Body: 2 stars out of 5

Also coming up the drainpipe are DVD reviews for “No Country for Old Men” and “Eastern Promises,” and a few of my picks for must-own DVDs.

Until next time, “Keep watching the skies!”

Brad Canze, the CM Life Movie Dude 

More how The Simpsons would vote

March 14, 2008

Springfield ’08

So I wanted to write an article about The Simpsons in politics. Thought I was original, ahh sweet disappointment. The New Republic recently pointed out Hillary strategist Mark Penn may have stole his marquee slogan from The Simpsons, Huffington Post writers compared each candidate’ plans to Bart’s empty playground promises. Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza blogged about the Simpson’s ‘mediocre presidents’ song. Jonah Goldberg wrote about them too. Academics have written articles and books on the subject. I can take scant pleasure in the knowledge that none of them were as arbitrary because they were too focused on “facts.” So here’s the rest of my “article.”

Grandpa: No freaking way would I try to interpret or care, what that old fart says.

Maggie: The only Simpson to ever shoot someone (who matters); if Maggie ever said more than one word (the movie and Halloween episodes don’t count) she would voice her support for gun rights and the independent John McCain.

Ned Flanders: Taking separation of church and state to heart, he never votes, picking one person over another just doesn’t jive with Flanders.

Sideshow Bob: The only Simpsons character to have successfully rigged an election in modern times would most certainly arrange the votes for either for himself or Mitt Romney, never mind if neither are official candidates.

Carl Carlson: “It’s all relative. Is Obama really that naive? Is Hillary really that frigid? Is McCain really even physically able to sleep with lobbyists? See, this is why I don’t talk much.”

Krusty the Clown: Publically kicked off of Hollywood’s Obama bandwagon following hundred of inappropriate jokes that culminated with the clown physically bludgeoning a young, disabled seal on live television to demonstrate (somehow) Obama’s message of hope.

Groundskeeper Willie: Wrong office, but he’s running: “If elected mayor my first act will be to kill the whole lot of ya, and burn yeh town to cinders.” Also in favor of man-tractor marriage. Really.

Otto Mann: Otto’s father is an admiral, just like McCain. But assuming he could make it to a polling place, Otto has none of the following: Driver’s license, identification of any kind or even underwear with his name on the band.

Lenny Leonard: A fellow war hero, Lenny could lean towards John McCain. But he also has a master’s degree; educated and white (Homer: “Lenny = white”) voters break heavily for Obama (excepting Mississippi). Not a Hillary Clinton supporter, because when women run the show Lenny can’t spit on the floor. His words, not mine.

Moe Szyslak: Would you really take voting advice from a bartender who accepts Alcoholics Anonymous chips as bar tender? The alcoholic was Barney and in all fairness his NASA-calculated tab was $14 billion, so it’s not like Moe thinks A.A. chips are worthless. Bookie Moe also gambles, extremely poorly and you can’t pick a worse bet than 500-to-one-shot Mike Gravel.

Barney: The town drunk favors Lord Palmsterston as Britain’s finest Prime Minister; Palmsterson was a liberal who rose rapidly to fame following a single powerful speech. Then again, it was defending the government’s naval bombardment of the Dutch and he was an interventionalist who didn’t think voting was a right. Thanks Wikipedia, still don’t know who he’d vote for. Let’s just say Ron Paul, okay?

Keep reading!

(more…)

Taking the next step?

March 14, 2008
The men’s basketball team improved to 14-17 overall after going 13-18 last season.
 
The Chippewas also were better by one game in the Mid-American Conference, going from 7-9 to 8-8.
 
Their season ended in the MAC quarterfinals again this season with Thursday’s 81-60 loss against Akron.
 
 
So can this season be considered a step in the right direction for coach Ernie Zeigler? Let’s take a look.
 
 Zeigler had practically nowhere to go but up after inheriting a 4-24 team from Jay Smith. By improving nine games, Zeigler didn’t exactly set the bar exceedingly high, but provided CMU fans with a dose of optimism they hadn’t had since 2003.
 
Year two was a little different for Zeigler and the team. There was the good – regular-season wins against Michigan, Akron and Western Michigan. And there was the bad – losing by 20 to the Broncos in the first meeting, a bad loss at Ohio and Thursday’s season-ending loss against Akron.
 
Scoring went up, as Central averaged 71.2 points per game, up from 65.6 last season. But opponents averaged 72.1 points per game against CMU, third-worst in the MAC.
 
Because of the defensive struggles, Zeigler tried several lineup combinations – 11 players averaged at least 10 minutes per game.
 
Making the jump from the cellar to mediocrity was a good first season for Zeigler. The second season proved to be tougher, but it was supposed to be. Taking the next step gets tougher and tougher.

– Robbie Sgro